April 6, 2011

The No List: Mike Huckabee is not the right type of jerk

Barack Hussein Obama is not a nice person. He is a smarmy, petulant, self-righteous little boy who cannot form appropriate relationships with men and engages in horrid, submissive relationships with hideous, dominating women. The roots of Obama's lack of niceness are well documented, here as well as anywhere.

Being nice is not a prerequisite for the Presidency, but not being a cretin should be. A Presidential candidate can be a jerk, but he needs to be our kind of jerk. And so we arrive at Michael Call-me-Mike Huckabee, who is not a cretin, but is certainly not very nice.

Don't be fooled by Call Me Mike's shiny suit, his missing 200 pounds of midriff, or his Fox News issue flat top guitar. Chat Show Mikabee is a brutally opportunistic career politician, a tool, and a liberal. You do not become one of the left's least-hated Fox News Channel anchors without a certain amount of cynical strategizing, or without being a raging liberal. Bill O'Smarmy, Sean Hannity, and the crazed lunatic with the chalk board excite the medicated basement bedroom-dwelling Cheeto-munching degenerates known as the liberal blogosphere to orgasmic proportions every day, but Chat Show Mikabee does not.

This is in part because of the "nice" factor; how could this performing ape, this happy-clappy pastor-with-a-Martin be anything but a harmless old hack, right? Three years ago, Chat Show Mikabee handed the Presidency to the Boy Tyrant by fracturing and demoralizing the Republican Party such that John McCain emerged as the only man capable of fending off a 50 State socialist sweep. Long after his own path to the nomination had evaporated into a cloud of sing-songy compassionate-conservative big-government, big-smile, big-guitar crap, Chat Show Mikabee stayed around purely to block Mitt Romney's path to the ticket. Pastor Mike was entitled to have reservations about Romney's Mormonism, but was not entitled to sabotage a viable and competitive candidate from emerging from his party's nominating process. Whether he did so more out of a personal dislike of Romney, or in order to ensure that a Republican defeat would position him well for 2012, is not of particular importance.

Although he is not a cretin, Huck is not very nice, and the singy-songy self-serving nonsense that he pulled last time he ran - coupled with a remarkably Clintonesque record as Arkansas Governor - means that although he is a jerk, he is not my kind of jerk. Put him on the No List.

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